Sometimes she wanted to be Loved
by SilkenPetal
Summary: One-shot. First Wicked Fic, Musical-based. Elphaba takes shelter from a storm and wonders about all the things that could have been in her life if. Read and review please!


A/N: This is a very short Elphaba-centric musical based fanfiction, sort of to introduce me to the exciting writing world of Wicked! It takes place after Defy Gravity and before Thank Goodness. Please read and review, tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I OWN nothing... sigh, I have big aspirations but, alas, I am not Gregory Maguire and so therefore own none of these "wonderful" characters. Although I guess, technically, neither, does he L. Frank Baum does... anyway, cheers!

**Sometimes she wanted to be Loved**

Sometimes Elphaba wondered if she had secretly always wanted her life to be like this, if some unconscious and twisted part of her had insured life to be the way it was.

Birth had already made her a freak, however, if it hadn't she had to wonder if she would still be trying to sleep in a cave during a freezing, windy thunderstorm? She snorted, huffing in the moldy, musky scent that permeated the air. No not even a cave; more of an outcropping of rocks that hadn't fallen yet, barely able to shield her shivering form from the torrent of rain that seemed to be falling sideways just for her convenience.

She was just in one of those moods today, the rain and cold only made it harder to focus on anything not maudlin.

Sometimes she wondered if she had been born with Tragically Beautiful Nessa's pale perfect skin if she would have still grown to be so angry, so malcontent, so... unloved.

That word wasn't much a part of her life... love that is. She was very certain no-one, no not even Glinda, actually … loved her.

Sometimes she wondered if she had grown up beautiful and... loved would she have spent her life studying the plight's and tribulations of other freaks, making her personality all the more freakish and unacceptable to those who should have... loved her the most.

She was honest with herself when in these moods, almost o the point of abuse, but that's what she was viewed as by others and herself, a freak. She couldn't hide from that fact.

Sometimes Elphaba wondered if she had grown up both, with a less verdigris complexion and a more pleasing personality if maybe boys would have thought of her as more appealing to be around. If she would have been like Perfect GAlinda would she have had friends, if her life would have still been spent in servitude to Tragically Beautiful Nessa, or would Tragically Beautiful Nessa would have needed the parental enforced care-giving. If Mother would have chewed all those milk flowers and never woke up again, if Father would have been proud of her at least once.

Which she never should have wondered, why would she crave the approval of such a hypocritical, sanctimonious prick?

Sometimes she wondered if she had grown up with the pale skin of Mother and been as Tragically Beautiful as her sister, if Scandalacious Prince Fiyero could have fallen, would have fallen...

For what? Her? What a joke.

She huffed out a breath and pulled her cloak tighter around her upper body, shifting her lower body so that no part was exposed to the icy wind, as little as it helped. She looked out into the forest her shelter was tucked on the edge of, it was murky and she could barely see, which didn't bother her, she wasn't thinking about the sight in front of her, only really registering it on some peripheral level. Besides, without her glasses she could barely see.

Sometimes she adored the rain, the scent like damp earth and glistening leaves tickling her nostrils.

Would she really end up living her life in this Wonderful Wizardly enforced outlaw existence?

Sometimes she hated the rain. It made her mind and heart travel through the past mistakes known as her life and the sometimes would just continues in a series of trees with millions of branches and her at the trunk.

END

A/N: Yeah, I told you it would be short. It is just an idea that bounced around in my head while taking a walk and wondering about all the sometimes in my own life. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS! Please don't forget to review!


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